Last week, New Mexico Representative Cathrynn Brown submitted a bill proposal that would make it illegal for a woman to have an abortion if a pregnancy was the result of a rape using a twisted logic that to terminate the traumatic and unwanted pregnancy would be to “tamper with evidence.” This is a bizarre proposal at best and seems to reinforce rape as only legitimate in circumstances where the act occurred to a young fertile woman.
The hubby and I thought this bill ignored other kinds of rape scenarios where evidence might be found. Therefore to expose the ridiculousness Rep. Brown’s original proposal, the hubby has offered an amendment:
HOUSE BILL 206
51ST LEGISLATURE – STATE OF NEW MEXICO – FIRST SESSION, 2013
Cathrynn N. Brown
As Amended by Seymour Butts
RELATING TO CRIMINAL LAW; SPECIFYING PROCURING OF AN ABORTION SPILLING THE SANTORUM AS TAMPERING WITH EVIDENCE IN CASES OF CRIMINAL SEXUAL PENETRATION OR INCEST.
BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF NEW MEXICO:
SECTION 1. Section 30-22-5 NMSA 1978 (being Laws 1963,
Chapter 303, Section 22-5, as amended) is amended to read:
“30-22-5. TAMPERING WITH EVIDENCE.–
In this Section, unless the context otherwise requires:
1. “Ass-rape” means the criminal sexual penetration of a male victim’s bunghole by another male’s penis, committed to the point of ejaculation. “Ass-rape” does not include penetration of a male victim’s bunghole by his own penis.
2. “Bunghole” means the Hershey Highway, the brown eye, to wit, the anus.
3. “Dirty Sanches” means – you don’t want to know. If you must, look it up on Urban Dictionary.
4. “Felching” means – oh man, we’re in trouble here.
5. “Santorum” means the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.
6. “Spilling the Santorum” means the release, seepage, secretion, discharge, defecation, emission, outpouring, ejection, excretion, elimination, voiding, and yes even sharting of Santorum from the anus following an ass-rape.
A. Tampering with evidence consists of destroying, changing, hiding, placing or fabricating any physical evidence with intent to prevent the apprehension, prosecution or conviction of any person or to throw suspicion of the commission of a crime upon another.
B. Tampering with evidence shall include procuring or facilitating an abortion, or compelling or coercing another.190749.3 to obtain an abortion, of a fetus that is the result of criminal sexual penetration or incest with the intent to destroy evidence of the crime. spilling the Santorum, or compelling or coercing another to spill the Santorum that is the result of ass-rape with the intent (or in the case of sharting the criminally negligent conduct) to destroy evidence of the crime. Tampering with evidence does not include a Dirty Sanchez performed by the individual guilty of ass-rape; however, tampering with evidence does include the act of felching Santorum that is the result of ass-rape. In such a case, both the felcher and felchee are guilty of tampering with evidence, so long as the act is consensual as to both parties. If the act is not consensual as to the felchee, only the felcher is guilty of tampering with evidence. If the act is not consensual as to the felcher, see NMSA Section 8-5-3 for potential criminal penalties, civil fines, administrative actions, and further ass-raping.
[B.] C. Whoever commits tampering with evidence shall be punished as follows:
(1) if the highest crime for which tampering with evidence is committed is a capital or first degree felony or a second degree felony, the person committing tampering with evidence is guilty of a third degree felony;
(2) if the highest crime for which tampering with evidence is committed is a third degree felony or a fourth degree felony, the person committing tampering with evidence is guilty of a fourth degree felony;
(3) if the highest crime for which tampering with evidence is committed is a misdemeanor or a petty misdemeanor, the person committing tampering with evidence is guilty of a petty misdemeanor; and
(4) if the highest crime for which tampering with evidence is committed is indeterminate, the person committing tampering with evidence is guilty of a fourth degree felony.”
SECTION 2. EFFECTIVE DATE.–The effective date of the provisions of this act is July 1, 2013.
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Or, why don’t we do something radical like recall an fucker-legislator that works to harm!